


2 am drive

by transbuck



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, eddie is best bf and buck is losing his gd shit, so pls watch it before you read this cause then it wont make any sense, spoilers for 2x11, yall i dunno how tf to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-11-26 01:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18174239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transbuck/pseuds/transbuck
Summary: When Eddie wakes up sometime in the middle of the night, the first thing he notices is that the other side of the bed is empty and cold.





	2 am drive

**Author's Note:**

> oh, hey there! its me again! im still fucking losing my MIND about last weeks episode! i started this the day after watching that episode, and i just got out of watching the chim begins episode and like. wow. buck sounded like he was trying not to cry in the promo for next weeks episode and my heart HURTS yall. so, to fix that hurt, have this little ficlet. i also have Another fic in the works thats a similar concept, just different execution.  
> as usual, im over on tumblr @diazbuckley and on instagram @buckandmaddie! now, enough yammering on, i hope this cures the Pain we're all going through rn!!

When Eddie wakes up sometime in the middle of the night, the first thing he notices is that the other side of the bed is empty and cold. He frowns, wearily drags a hand down his face before standing up out of bed to go search for Buck. He rubs his eyes as he trudges out into the kitchen. The first thing he notices is that Buck's keys aren't in their usual spot on the counter. Drowsily, he returns to their bedroom to find his phone and, with a sigh, he plops down onto the bed while unlocking it. He opens up Buck's contact information and, within moments, he's pressing his phone to his ear and waiting for Buck to answer.

After the third ring, when Eddie starts to think that Buck isn't going to pick up, Buck finally answers. "Hello?" he asks, and maybe Eddie's just hearing things, but Buck's voice sounds uncharacteristically shaky.

"Honey, where are you?" Eddie replies.

"Um. Out."

"Out?" Eddie asks skeptically. "Out  _where_?"

"Just. On a drive."

"Please tell me you have me on speaker right now."

"Of course. I'm not trying to die or get a ticket tonight."

Eddie huffs a little, turns to look at the alarm clock on the bedside table, squinting against the bright red numbers. "Wait. You're on a drive at two in the morning? Why?"

"There's gotta be  _something_ we over looked, babe," Buck says desperately. "I can't rest until I find her, she's my best friend!"

"I know, baby, I know. But you're not gonna be any use to anybody if you're so exhausted that you fall asleep at the wheel and drive yourself right into a ditch," Eddie responds with a concerned frown. "Come home, sweetheart. Get some rest. We have work in the morning."

"You don't understand!" Buck shouts, and Eddie has to pull his phone away from his ear for a moment. "Eddie, I can't... I can't lose her. I can't lose her, she's my best friend. She... She was the first person I ever came out to. She got me my first binder and she bought me my first pair of men's clothes. She's always been  _there_ for me.  _God_ , Eddie, if she's hurt and alone somewhere and I don't do everything I can to find her, I won't be able to live with myself. I have to find her."

When Buck's voice cracks, Eddie can practically feel his heart breaking in half. He's already broken up enough as is over Maddie's disappearance and over Chimney being in the hospital, and hearing how brokenhearted the love of his life is only hurts him even more. "I know, sweetheart, we're all scared," Eddie murmurs lowly. "But you have to come home. You need rest. I know you feel like you have to be the one to find her, but you have to leave it up to the police. They're doing everything they possibly can."

"I can't, babe, I can't," Buck murmurs through what sounds like sobbing. It only breaks Eddie's heart even more. "I have to  _try_. I have to  _try_ to find her. What if there's something everyone's overlooked? What if she's close? I can't give up now, not yet."

Eddie sighs, runs a hand down his face. "Sweetheart, please. Please just come home. I'm worried for you. And we have work in the morning, so you need to get some sleep. We can do as much searching as you want after our shift tomorrow, okay? Just please come home, baby."

A long silence stretches out, and for a moment, Eddie thinks Buck hung up on him. "Promise we'll go looking after work tomorrow?" he says eventually.

"As long as you come home now, then yeah. I promise."

"Okay," Buck says quietly after a long while. When he sniffles, Eddie's heart aches a little more. "I'll be home soon."

"Thank you, honey," Eddie murmurs. "Drive safe, okay? I love you."

"I love you, too," Buck mumbles before hanging up.

By the time Buck finally makes it home, Eddie's half asleep and half underneath the covers on their bed. He jolts up when he hears the bedroom door open and then close. "Hey," he murmurs when he sits up and sees Buck slowly crawling on top of the bed and sitting on it with his legs crossed underneath him. He can see tears in Buck's eyes and dried tear tracks down his face. It makes Eddie's heart ache all over again.

"Hey," Buck responds quietly, staring down at his lap, picking at the seam of his sweatpants. Eddie sits up fully, reaches over to wrap Buck in his arms. Buck rests his head on Eddie's shoulder heavily. Eddie doesn't quite know what to say, so he stays silent, brings a hand up to carefully thread through Buck's messy hair. Just when Eddie thinks Buck's fallen asleep on his shoulder, he hears a sob out of Buck. He glances down and sees that Buck's covering his mouth with his hand, sees his shoulders shaking with the force of his crying. "Babe, I can't— I don't...  _Shit_ ," Buck manages to get out, voice shaky and broken and slightly muffled, and Eddie's heart splits into a million pieces. "What if she's dead? What if we're too late?"

"Hey, sweetie, you can't think like that," Eddie whispers, nudges Buck's hand away from his face to gently cup his cheek. He wipes at Buck's tears with a thumb. "I know it's hard, but you  _have_ stay positive. You have to try."

"I  _can't_ ," Buck whispers urgently, squeezing his eyes shut. He repeats himself under his breath, shaking his head to himself. "I can't do this. I can't do this. I don't deserve to rest or relax when she's hurt and alone or  _worse_. I can't— I  _can't_."

Eddie fights back a few tears of his own at this point, pulls Buck tight against him, gently guides Buck's head to rest on his collarbone. His fingers mindlessly brush through Buck's hair, rocking him from side to side gently as he  _breaks_ against his chest. "I'm so sorry," he whispers, pressing his lips to the top of Buck's hair, keeps them there as he repeats the sentiment a few times. "I wish there was something more we could do. Something more  _I_ could do."

"I can't lose her," Buck mutters against Eddie's shirt, shaking his head to himself.

Eddie shushes him gently, pulls him even closer. "I know. I know, honey," he whispers. He feels Buck gripping the back of his shirt fiercely, and he fleetingly worries that Buck's going to end up ripping his shirt on accident. That's the least of either of their worries right now. "Just let it all out, okay? Let it all out. It's okay. I'm right here."

After a few more minutes of Buck crying into Eddie's chest and Eddie gently rocking him, Buck finally manages to calm down. At least somewhat—there are still tears falling down his cheeks, but at least he can breathe now. He slowly pulls away from Eddie's arms, sniffles as he meets Eddie's gaze. "Can we try to sleep now?" he asks quietly as Eddie gently frames his face with both of his hands. "This much crying is taking a lot out of me."

"I bet," Eddie murmurs, carefully brushing away a few tears from Buck's face. He leans forward and presses the gentlest of kisses to Buck's lips. "I think trying to sleep is a good idea. We'll go to work tomorrow, pretend like everything's okay for a while, and then after our shift, we can go searching again. How's that sound?"

"Sounds good," Buck whispers, staring down at his fidgeting hands.

Eddie frowns sympathetically, presses his lips to Buck's forehead before pulling away to move the covers out of the way. Buck immediately crawls beneath them and flops down on his side. Eddie moves behind him, pulls the covers over them and reaches over to turn off his bedside lamp before settling down with his arms around Buck's waist. He pulls Buck as close as he can, presses his lips to the back of his head. "G'night, love. Try to get some rest, okay?" Buck doesn't say anything, just nods slowly. Eddie moves a hand to gently stroke Buck's upper arm in an attempt to ease Buck into sleep. After a while, when he finally hears Buck's breath even out, he lets himself close his eyes and drift right off to sleep as well.


End file.
